In many ways, separation is similar. Many times, it is not a single dramatic moment, but rather months of hanging threads, unclear expectations, and regular contact that will continue to reopen the same wound. Recovery normally requires more than time. It normally requires structure. Clear boundaries created through law can provide that structure. Those boundaries do not serve as a form of discipline, but as a method of providing protection. An excellent divorce lawyer may assist in creating such structured boundaries, which are firm, logical, and easy to survive.
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Too Little Structure
Being flexible tends to appear more compassionate. Individuals typically agree to “figure things out” as you proceed with regard to money, schedules for picking up/ dropping off the children, and/or access to the home. Some flexibility appears reasonable for a short period of time. However, sooner or later, an individual begins to assume something other than what was originally agreed upon, and tension builds rapidly.
Tension builds quickly due to uncertainty, and uncertainty has a tendency to fill an entire household. It is impossible to develop a new routine if each day includes different choices and expectations. The clearer the financial, custodial, communication, and property issues are resolved within the confines of a legally binding contract, the less likely conflicts will occur. Additionally, individuals may conserve energy as well. There will be fewer negotiations for identical issues.
Viewing Necessary Communication as Harmless
Communication is required. Messages about logistics are acceptable. Ten messages about personal grievances are something entirely different. While there are numerous individuals who become emotionally entangled, some become so simply because there are no established boundaries surrounding communication.
An area where a divorce lawyer may offer quiet support lies within setting parameters for communicating, establishing what topics should be discussed via what medium (e.g., telephone, email), and determining which avenues of communication would be most beneficial in preventing emotional chaos.
Confusing Fairness With Unlimited Access
Individuals frequently believe fairness is represented by maintaining every doorway open. Visiting family members’ homes without announcing arrival times, lending items, revisiting previously negotiated agreements, and anticipating immediate responses have become common occurrences for many individuals. These actions rarely produce positive results.
Boundaries are not cold-blooded. Rather, boundaries represent acknowledgment that the relationship has altered and daily access has been altered accordingly. A female divorce attorney may assist in framing boundaries clearly and respectfully. Such assistance may aid individuals in protecting their sense of calm while avoiding having to defend every decision made individually.
Remembering that Healing Requires Routines
Legal contracts are viewed as mere documents. As far as daily routines are concerned, however, the provisions outlined in those contracts define daily life. Decisions made include whose responsibility it is to pay for specific expenses, where children reside on a particular night(s) of the week, and how disagreements are to be resolved in the future.
Establishment of clear definitions in the daily lives of individuals promotes healing as they enable individuals to once again engage in everyday activities (shopping for groceries, planning weekends, etc.) without worrying about additional problems that arise. Sometimes, the beginning of recovery is represented by something as mundane as a defined boundary that exists in writing and is recognized by others, thereby removing doubt regarding its validity.
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